Our Testimony-Tyler Christian

 

                                                                                                                                                   

Our Testimony- Tyler Christian Williams

       

“We were shattered but we were shattered in the hand of Christ so somehow, we held. A supernatural glue that held all the broken pieces together”

 I have been so excited to begin to share the thoughts and ideas that I have swirling around regarding this blog. So many inspiring and interesting stories that I can’t wait to share! Good things! But, today I wanted to  lay a foundation by sharing a storm in our life. There’s a reason I named this blog “The Anchor”. As much as I have been putting it off, I will begin to write a little of our own story….. 

My husband Brian and I met in High School. We dated from our Junior year on and married when I was 20 and he was 21. Not that we lived it perfectly but I want to share here that we both had a foundation of faith.

We waited 5 years to have our first child, Tyler.

I had a normal pregnancy and we had no reason to believe that everything wouldn’t turn out just fine.

My labor and delivery was normal, we thought for just a few hours that we had our bouncy, baby boy.  A bit after Tyler was born a nurse in the Well Baby Nursery noticed some strange behaviors in Tyler. For instance; he had his head turned strongly to the left all the time. She called in the Doctor to do a further examination on Tyler.  It was found that he had a blood vessel that had burst in his brain about the size of a quarter. This is devastating in anyone, yet alone a new born.

We received the devastating news shortly after and in a moment our young lives were forever changed.

Tyler had his first brain surgery at 24 hours old in an attempt to stop the bleed and remove what they could of the clot. A surgery to save his life. I will never forget as they were prepping him for surgery that the nurses were frantically scrambling for a camera (before smart phones). We didn’t have a picture of Tyler yet and I could see in their desperation in trying to get his picture, they did not think he would make it.

Tyler made it through the surgery that day. We all had an extended stay in the hospital over the next month before we were able to bring our sweet boy home. Yes, Tyler made it through the surgery but he was left with global brain damage effecting basically every area of his brain.  We didn’t know how he was going to develop. Tyler did not learn to walk or talk and ate through a G- tube in his stomach. I became more than a mother, I was his caregiver, nurse, life support and best friend. We were very close. The bond that develops when you are caring for someone who’s life depends on you is intense. Our world with Tyler consisted of; 11 doctors, nurses, therapist, numerous programs, special equipment and 4 life threatening surgeries, including a second brain surgery.  We were thrown into a world of special needs children, chronically- ill children and eventually terminally- ill children. 

When Tyler was 2 ½ he was diagnosed with brain cancer. Glioblastoma, a vine like, very aggressive cancer that in his case was inoperable. We watched his already frail life decline.  He passed away 3 weeks shy of his 5^th birthday. We were at home and he passed away in my arms with us telling him it was ok to go to Jesus. I asked God for this. When I realized God was preparing us to take him home and not heal him, I begged God for me to be there and for him to be at home. I was thankful this is how he passed.

Tyler was a fighter! He was in a lot of pain and just a few weeks before he passed away the doctor told us Tyler was holding on for us and we needed to let him know it was ok to go. The hardest thing we ever had to do.  Heaviness set in but unconditional, unselfish love became our focus. In this storm, I began to understand the Father’s love for us. I will take the pain for Tyler’s to stop. I love my son that much. During Tyler’s life and his death, we were shattered. Shattered! …We were shattered but we were shattered in the hand of Christ so somehow, we held. A supernatural glue that held all the broken pieces together.

The experiences and lessons of our life with Tyler are numerous and will take a life time to share. Part of the reason I decided to write, I will pull out portions along the way.

While our story is intense, I know we are not the only people who have gone through or are going through a storm in life. I hope a few of my insights will encourage someone today.

I live life on a bit of a balance beam of faith and fear. Always fighting for the faith side to be stronger.  How can such things happen to people who love God? I have learned this life isn’t fair and this world isn’t heaven.  Bad things can happen to good people.

I know that tears stain if you cry enough. I wish I didn’t know this.

I have learned to live with “why”. I have had to search deep within myself and contemplate my trust in God. This reflection helps with all the “why’s” and injustices in life.  What do I think of God? What do I know of Him to be true? What is His character and in knowing that, why didn’t He heal my son? Looking back at our years with Tyler I remember while many people around us were angry, we never really got angry with God.

Angry at circumstances and Tyler’s pain yes, but never God directly. You see; my family taught me since I was a little girl that God is good and in doing so gave me the “keys to life”….. my faith in Jesus. MY ANCHOR.

I look back upon our life with Tyler, and while I have many unanswered questions, I see God’s hand and guidance with us the entire way. We were never alone. I still don’t understand why but I do see that we were not abandoned in the storm. I remember my faith filled grandmother told me that she had never seen God “carry” a couple as much as he was carrying us. We were living in that famous picture “Footprints” on the beach. I am sure with a supernatural lens there was only one set of footprints in our life at this time and it was not ours.

This has become enough for me. With all the questions and lack of answers I know no matter what happens, no matter what, God is with us and He is good.

Twenty-two years later we have had some restoration in our family. A few months ago our daughter who is recently married and just had our first grandchild asked us if she could name her baby girl after her brother. We now have a little girl to love named, Tyler Rosemary.

Our life with Tyler also sparked our desire to adopt and a few years after Tyler passed we set out on a faith journey to adopt our youngest son.  Tyler’s legacy lives on in our daily lives’ today and we can’t help but think that things are coming full circle. The Bible tells us there are “grandstands” in Heaven (Heb. 12)  and I just know that God let’s Tyler look in from time to time as we remember him today.

The Bible also tells us God is no respecter of persons. He shows no favoritism. (Act 10:34) That means no matter what you are going through today, He is with you and wants to help. You don’t even have to be going through a huge storm in life. Maybe life is good, I hope so!  Still don’t attempt this life without The Anchor. Don’t let questions get in the way, don’t choose to go it alone.

Psalm 91: 14 says,   “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life”, says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me.”

Get to know and trust. Hold on for dear life!  Ask for the same Hand that held my broken pieces to hold yours and the same feet that carried me to carry you!

The Anchor Holds….