Joy in the Storm

                                        Joy in the Storm

 

As I am writing this it is not lost on me that today is Good Friday, the darkest day in human history. The day that humanity killed the very one that came to save our souls. As I reflect on this dark time I am brought back to a dark night in my own life.

 

    “There was something deep within me that circumstances and sorrow couldn’t reach, joy.”

So far, I have shared an overview of what happened with our son, Tyler. I don’t always feel like writing or sharing about the details, (most of the time, I don’t) but tonight I am reminded of a personal incident in one of the darkest hours of my life.

In the late stages of Tyler’s life when he was terminal, the doctor told us what to look for in his behavior, body and life. These signs where going to help us determine how much more time we had left with our precious son.

His type of cancer was growing quickly and it was predicted that the cancer mass would eventually put pressure on his brain stem and he would pass away peacefully. There were many other not so nice scenarios but unless God was going to heal him this is what we were praying for.

I will never forget one evening I experienced the simplest but most powerful thing.

Tyler was at home on hospice, we knew by the signs in his body that he was in his last days.

During this time, we were keeping him as comfortable as possible on morphine. I realized in the middle of all of this that we were running low on morphine. I decided to make a late night run to get his prescription filled.

This whole time in our life is such a blur. We were in such intense circumstance and to go out at night for this reason just made it all seem so unreal and eerie.

I remember looking around that night at the world; seeing people living their lives’ like they didn’t have a care in the world as ours was crashing down on us.

I imagine I looked tattered and worn and I remember thinking, “Do any of these people realize that I am going to lose my son this week?”

We were in an incredibly severe storm, pressure near the breaking point. Fear, sorrow, pressure, loss, weariness and the list goes on. Life is not supposed to be this way.

I remember getting out of my car that night and running up to the hospital pharmacy’s electric doors. As I ran through the doors that night, weight of the world on my shoulders I came to a complete and utter stop. I was doing something involuntarily that stopped me dead in my tracks.

I caught myself…. I caught myself, singing out loud a joyful worship song! So shocked at this revelation, I remember I stopped right in the middle of the entrance, like I just ran into a brick wall. I stomped my foot, put my arms out in a questioning form and shook my head.  How can this be? How in the world could can this be?

In that simple but powerful moment I realized something. In all the chaos, questions, intensity and uncertainty…. My anchor held. My faith held.

No matter what was going on, I knew Jesus.

I understood what The Bible talks about when it speaks of the Joy of the Lord. I had it, it was powerful and it was not of this world. It was not normal to my circumstances in life. I was not alone in this world and I knew it. God was in the storm. There was something deep within me that circumstances and sorrow couldn’t reach, Joy.

“When Anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19

 Biblical Joy is a deep-seated feeling in the soul. Not to be confused with happiness.

It is so hard to explain because it is held in a secret place the world can’t see. It is beneath the surface; it is The Anchor. It is the hidden thing that holds the tattered ship in place.

It is so powerful that it runs contrary to everything we understand, every emotion, feeling and thought. Yet, runs parallel along side it. Good things spring forth from it and in the midst of crisis it holds a life steady.

Joy in the Lord is an inner strength, it comes from knowing Him.

This night has always stuck with me. As I was experiencing and beginning to understand a supernatural JOY, I began to feel sorry for the others around me. I had something more precious than most. Along with the joy came an eternal perspective. We would make it through, we were never alone and we would see Tyler again someday.

Our time with Tyler almost broke us, but it didn’t. Not only did it not break us but God used it to show me what biblical joy looks like….It is profound!

I see so many people going through difficult times today and they are trying to do it in their own strength. There is a Helper. In spite of what the world tells us there is strength, JOY and overcoming power in knowing Him.

“Behold, God is my helper, the Lord is the upholder of my life.” Psalms 54:4”

In other words, in modern terms; ….. “He’s got our back!”.

Who would not want this? Where would I go, who else has the power to get me through?

We were not designed to be apart from God, to go it alone.

God did not promise it would be easy, He only promised He would be with us.

Trust in the Lord today, ask Him to show you the kind of deep-down peace and joy that I had that night. Not happiness or giddy laughter but something much more precious and powerful. The strength of the Lord, called JOY.

The Anchor Holds….