By Tricia Chrzanowski
“When I wait you strengthen my heart” Psalm 27:14
My friend recently sent me an amazing quote that said, “Sometimes it takes ten years to get to that one year that will change your life. Keep going.”
When it comes to my story, there are no truer words.
I was born to be a mom. God put this desire on my heart long ago. However, the journey to motherhood, was less than desirable. My husband and I married in 2004. We quickly settled into married life and were both moving up in our careers. Six months into our marriage, I thought I was pregnant. I wasn’t, but that moment sparked a desire to start trying for a baby. We thought it would be a matter of mere months before I was pregnant, but then the months began to turn into years. Every month I had relentless hope. I dreamed of that second pink line moment. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about! I prayed for it, I visualized it and I longed for it more than anything else. But time kept marching on.
I knew that God’s timing is always perfect. I knew to put my trust in God to fulfill the desire of my heart, but knowing and doing are two very different things. As every disappointing month passed, bitterness and anger began to creep into my heart and faith. I felt like a failure and I felt like God was failing me.
After five years of trying with no success, we decided to seek medical guidance. After multiple invasive procedures, the doctors came to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with us. Say what?! Surely there had to be a medical explanation for our situation! It had been so long with no success, that the doctors decided to go ahead started fertility treatments. Talk about a rollercoaster! The treatments were painful and emotional. After a year of no success and having the emotional stability of a toddler due to the hormone treatments, I needed a break. We stopped all treatments.
I still continued hope for a miracle. Every month I cried out to God, WHY?! I was frustrated, angry and tired.
It’s now 2014 and Rich and I were celebrating our tenth anniversary with a trip to Hawaii. I thought, ok God, this is it! After years of disappointing months, after an awesome anniversary trip, this has got to be the month! NEGATIVE….
I WAS DONE. After hundreds of conversations with God in the midst of my heartache and disappointment, this conversation sounded much different.
“God I can’t go on like this. What if we never have a child? Will I continue to be angry with you? Will I love you even if my dream never becomes a reality?
Yes…. I will love you anyway. Yes… I will trust you anyway. “I SURRENDER.”
I do not believe in coincidences. The very next month I was ten days late. I had been late many, many times before, so I was not getting my hopes up. The difference this time was that I felt a peace about it no matter what the outcome.
I took the test… there were two lines! I took another test… there they were again! I WAS PREGNANT!!!
January 11, 2015, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Our greatest blessing.
I wish I could tell you that my story was one of unwavering faith, but that would be far from the truth. My journey was full of doubt, heartache and screams of frustration. However, in my waiting, I learned that even though my faith faltered, God’s did not. I learned that God’s timing is always perfect. I learned to trust even in the uncertainty. I learned that God’s will is always better than my own. I learned that “sometimes it takes ten years to get to that one year that will change your life”.
“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand” John 13:17
